The Law of Pain says that “Good Management of Bad Experiences Leads to Great Growth.”  We all go through painful experiences.  The difference comes from how we deal with that experience and what we learn from it.

I will be the first to admit that I have not always handled painful experiences well.  My tendency has been to ignore it and just block it out.  Two things don’t happen when I do this.  I don’t resolve the issue that caused the pain, just hoping that it will take care of itself and I miss the opportunity to learn anything from the experience.

John Maxwell in his book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth suggests five ways to grow through good management of bad experiences:

1.  CHOOSE A POSITIVE LIFE STANCE

What is your position on life?  Is it a positive outlook or negative?  Through the process of becoming more aware of my surroundings and the things that affect my life, I have realized that the power of a positive attitude can dramatically impact your quality of life.  Let’s be honest, you will have bad experiences.  To approach them in a positive manner will allow you to learn and move on in a productive manner.

2.  EMBRACE AND DEVELOP YOUR CREATIVITY

There is no rule book for how to deal with a bad experience.  Look beyond the obvious when dealing with a difficult issue.  Think outside the box and come up with a new way to deal with the problem and share that success with others.

3.  EMBRACE THE VALUE OF BAD EXPERIENCES

No pain, No gain.  Right?  It doesn’t always feel like it but understand that dealing with pain and bad experiences is how we learn.  Adversity is an opportunity to grow.  If we look at a challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow instead of simply another setback, we continue to move towards that person we want to be.

4.  MAKE GOOD CHANGES AFTER LEARNING FROM BAD EXPERIENCES

We have heard it since we were small children “Learn from your mistakes.”  The question is “do we?”  To take full advantage of the opportunity we have in dealing with pain, we have to make a change to avoid that pain in the future.  Step outside your comfort zone and be willing to discuss your victory with someone else.  This not only reinforces change within yourself, but allows you to help others learn from your experience as well.

5.  TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE

Above all else, take ownership of the experiences that you encounter.  I now understand that my habit of ignoring and blocking out pain is no more than pretending that it didn’t happen.  Many time the pain is caused by my own poor decisions.  No one else is going to deal with it for you.  It’s your experience and no one will take responsibility for it so you better.

We should be in constant learning mode.  Growth is basically learning from our experiences and stepping out from beyond where we are.  Here is my big takeaway from why it is so difficult to productively manage our bad experiences … It was painful the first time and our natural reaction is to avoid pain so we subconsciously choose not to deal with it again.  This quote sums it up well:

I’ve never known anyone who said, “I love problems.” but I’ve known many who have admitted that their greatest gains came in the middle of their pain. – John Maxwell

The next time you are dealing with a bad experience, look at it as an opportunity to learn.  Not only will you have a better chance in avoiding it in the future, but it will make you grow in the process.

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Next Up:  Law #9  The Law of the Ladder.

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Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   11/28/12       photo by author