My wife Michelle and I made a quick trip to Seattle this weekend to celebrate the marriage of the daughter of some of our closest friends. We have attended several weddings now that have included the generation that our kid’s belong to.

Although we still refer to them as our kids, the simple fact is that they are now grown adults and are faced with the challenges and responsibilities that we faced twenty-five years ago.

Sarah and Chris put a lot of effort into making their wedding ceremony unique and personal.  I like that about today’s weddings.  As our culture has changed, there has come more latitude on shall we say “customizing” the ceremony.  Michelle and I agreed that this was one of the nicest weddings that we have attended in recent memory.

As the bride and groom shared their vows, I was impressed, by among other things, the emphasis on commitment.  The traditional “repeat after me” usually spoken by the pastor had been replaced by a more personal touch.  I could tell by the sincerity and emotion that these two were made for each other and no doubt, will have a long successful marriage.

That being said, I make no assumption that it will be easy or without challenges.  That’s what I liked about the words spoken about commitment.  I think that is what makes or breaks a lot of marriages today.  “Till death do us part” has all too often been replaced by “until we can’t get along anymore.”

I look back on my marriage and although there have been ups and downs, Michelle and I have always stayed committed to each other.  I recognize that marriage is something you have to work at each and every day – you have to stay committed.  Here are some of the ways I need to work to improve on every day in order to honor my marriage and my wife:

TRUST

I have learned that for a wife to trust her husband, he needs to follow through with what he says he will do.  This builds trust.  This is one of the things I need to work on most.  Good intentions don’t result in anything unless those intentions turn into action and results.

RESPECT

People want to be respected and this is magnified in the marriage relationship.  Men, you need to respect your wives.  There is no better way to succeed or fail than the respect that you show.

COMMUNICATION

Many of you may have heard, or hopefully even read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  If you don’t know the best language to communicate with your wife, you will struggle to communicate in the way that matters most.

LEADERSHIP

I am not sure how many men would choose leadership as one of the important pieces of a successful marriage, but in most cases, our wives want a leader for a husband.  Someone that will take care of them.  Someone that will be willing to make the tough decisions based on what is best for the relationship.  Someone who will put the marriage before themselves.

I am in no way claiming to be a marriage counselor, but I have learned (the hard way in many cases) what works and what doesn’t.  The bottom line is that marriage is not a 50/50 relationship.  It is a 100/100 relationship.  We need to be willing to give not an equal amount, but a full amount.  This is what will get you through the difficult times and make the relationship even stronger.

I offer up these thoughts in the hope that some value is added from the experience gained from both my successes and failures as a husband.  If you are married, then you know your spouse was an incredible person when you got married.  In my humble opinion, he or she still is – it just may be the circumstances of life that makes it seem a little different today.

Keep your focus on the other person and I believe you will reap the benefits.  Anything of value comes with a price and there is no better investment that in the one who matters most.  Spend Wisely!

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Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   1/7/13            photo by author