While in a conversation, do you ever find yourself thinking more about what you are going to say next instead of actually listening what is being said by the other person? I know I do. Admittedly, I have cut the other person off more times than I can count just to let him or her know the “invaluable information” that I have to offer.
I am currently facilitating a study group on John Maxwell’s Everyone Communicates, Few Connect and have come to realize that the other person could care less about what I have to say unless I have made a connection with them. So how do we make this connection – by LISTENING. When we actively listen to what is being said, we have a much better chance to connect than if we simply offer up our own thoughts on the issue.
Possible ways to connect:
- Finding Common Ground – If you really want to connect, you better respond with content that is useful to the other person and related to the topic being discussed.
- Making your communication simple – Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person starts dropping 37 point scrabble words on you? My personal opinion is that this is usually their attempt to impress me and the connection is immediately broken. Keep the conversation light and your responses short and on topic.
- Capturing people’s interest – Has anyone ever approached you to tell you about something you have no interest in at all? You can either let them know that you don’t really know anything about the subject and would like them to tell you more or you can respectively tell them that you are not interested. The key is to maintain a connection. If you are not connected, the conversation will lead to nowhere.
- Inspire them – If the person is discussing a challenge they are facing, inspire them. There is no better way to connect than to encourage another person and affirm that what they are doing is worthwhile. Inspiring a person to overcome the obstacles that they are challenged with is a great way to connect and will leave the person walking away appreciating the time you invested in them.
- Being authentic – Nothing is worse that entering into a conversation with someone who is fake. They may be speaking about something of which they clearly have little knowledge or it is evident that the reason for their conversation is something about themselves. Either way, there is a disconnect. Most of us can recognize a fake in the first sentence of engagement. Be authentic and real if you want to connect.
The bottom line is this – when you are in a conversation, the best way to connect is through active listening. Make the conversation about the other person and connect first with what is important to them and then strategically bring your interest into the conversation. If you have not connected on what is important to them, do not expect for them to connect with you.
Barry Smith www.buildingwhatmatters.com 6/3/12
